It might be easy to assume that everyone shows up fully expressed in life. But it’s hard for many people, especially women, to feel deeply in touch with who they are inside because we’re bombarded with societal expectations and social media more than ever: if you aren’t this, it means you’re that; if you don’t wear this, it means you’re not attractive; if you say this, it means you’re Anti-Something. It can feel like you have to constantly mold and remold yourself in order to belong.
I spent much of my life feeling like I was in a hamster wheel trying to please everyone else. I was afraid to speak my truth and most of my decisions were made in fear of what others would think, making it feel like I was moving backwards instead of forwards. Most of my regrets are decisions I made at the suggestion of someone else.
Self-concept work was the magic wand I started using to feel in control of my life. I had to develop a stronger sense of character so that I could start living in a way that felt good to me and true to my soul. This included setting boundaries for myself and others.
Building your self-concept, instilling boundaries, and following your heart are harder to do when you fear rejection at every turn. I had to make the decision that the only entities I’d fear rejection from are my future self and God.
Life has gotten easier and better since then. I wear what feels great on my body, I’m in the best romantic relationship of my life, I have two small businesses that fill me with joy, I make parenting decisions with confidence that lead to less regret, and I take daily aligned action by following nudges of joy instead of pressure.
So, if you’re ready to develop the self-concept of someone unstoppable in creating the life of her dreams, then use these prompts to help you learn to love and accept all parts of yourself so you can show up authentically and confidently YOU.
Journal Prompts:
#1. What’s something you want to do or say in the real world but feels scary?
You can either rip off the band aid or gradually pull it off. For example, I was nervous to wear car t-shirts and crop tops after moving to a housing development with a lot of other moms who I thought would judge me.
You’re either in your full expression (your energy) or you’re muted. So, I wore a car t-shirt to my daughter’s back to school night and a real estate agent came up to me and asked if we could be friends. I was shocked. Afterwards, we hung out at her multi-million dollar house with our kids.
Had I shown up in clothes I thought I had to wear in order to gain respect but that I didn’t feel fully myself in, I would have given off a somewhat untrustworthy vibe, repelling instead of attracting.
You might be surprised at the people and opportunities you invite into your life when you show up as your authentic self in your pure energy.
#2. What’s 1 quality about yourself that you think is negative? How can you look at this quality differently? Is there a positive aspect about this quality?
I’m an “over-thinker,” but when I look at that quality in a positive light, I see that “overthinking” is beneficial in situations when I need to problem solve and see an idea in multiple perspectives. It also helps me help my clients in seeing new possibilities and ways of thinking which can lead to positive transformation.
When we carry shame about a quality, it grows the quality inside our mind like a monster and our biggest fear becomes anyone finding out. Because my boyfriend knows I tend to overthink, I can be more honest with him which benefits both of us and he is better equipped to help me when I spiral.
When you look at the quality in a positive way, you can shrink the monster and grow your confidence. And if you let them, other people might even be able to help you manage the negative aspects of the quality.
Instead of resisting this quality completely, accept that it’s part of who you are and learn to work with it. What wisdom might the quality have for you? How can it enhance your life? Are you willing to show it some love? When you drop resistance, you open the door of possibility.
3. Think about a time you recently showed up feeling totally in your energy. Then, think about a time when you tweaked yourself to fit in or gain respect. What differences in your energy did you notice between each experience?
If you aren’t able to answer this question right now because you can’t think of specific occasions, then make it a priority to gain awareness of when you’re feeling “on” and “off” in the next few days.
An experiment you can do is to one day wear something you feel great in and another day wear something you feel blah in. Note the difference in how you feel and how you show up.
Do you confidently talk to the barista more when you’re dressed in something that helps you feel embodied in your magnificent essence? Do you hunch your shoulders as you walk through the grocery store wearing something that makes you feel like an old pumpkin?
Clothes are just one example of how we carry our energy through life. Once you develop the muscle of feeling “on” and “off” you’ll start to notice on-the-spot shifts in your energy which will help you make more aligned decisions.
It might feel easier to be a chameleon and blend in with everyone else, but in the long run, it takes more energy, you miss out on opportunities, and your soul longs for something more.